The Average TV Pundit Euro 2012 thought process

Not as funny as the England thought process one but still, I lol'd a bit...

Lol @ "Threaten people with peril if they write them off"

Doc wrote:Not as funny as the England thought process one but still, I lol'd a bit...

Link to the England thought process?

All of which were shown by good old Mole...

That map is amazing. Especially Turkey, made me laugh.

''did england win? yes. think again. no''

loled at that

Did they play well??? Yes--> Really??? ---> No loool

All three hilarious.

Joke is on you. Roberto Martinez is going to be a pundit, I could listen to him tactically analyse a phone book

Saw it a while back it's ok.

Guide for Criticising Roy Hodgon's Squad Selection(football 365):

Captain: if someone who has been captain before, "predictable". If not, "wrong".

Average age of squad over 26: too old, over-reliance on the failed so-called "golden generation".

Average age of squad under 26: inexperienced/ruining our chances for the Olympics (I forget whether we care about this or not).

Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart: obvious choice and deserves no credit.
Rob Green: plays for a championship club. Only selected due to failure to persuade anyone else out of retirement, ergo poor man-management.
Ben Foster: nepotism.

Right back:
Failure to take all of Micah Richards, Glen Johnson, Kyle Walker, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling constitutes a decision, and therefore automatically a risky/wrong one.

Left back:
Ashley Cole: obvious, deserves no credit. If a back-up is selected: unnecessary, waste of a squad place (cf. Stephen Warnock). If not: short-sighted.

Centre back:
Failure to persuade Rio and Terry to play together is poor man-management. Success is "too risky".

Central Midfield:
Gerrard: make reference to Hodgson's time at Liverpool and cast doubt on ability to get a performance out of him.

Lampard: too similar to Gerrard. If not picked, make unflattering AVB comparisons.

Scott Parker: would certainly perform better if 'Arry was manager
Carrick/Barry: boring.

Scholes: if picked, desperate. If not picked, a missed opportunity
Anyone else: an unknown quantity.

Wings:
Joe Cole: if not picked, point out that he has been playing brilliantly in France. If picked, point out that he has been rubbish in France. No-one will bother to check either way.

Ashley Young: if picked, diver that will not fool continental referees, therefore a waste of space. If not picked, point to past goalscoring form and ability to win penalties.

Adam Johnson: if picked, has hardly played for Man City this season. If not picked, has hardly played for Man City this season and would have bought much-needed freshness to the squad.

Walcott: if picked, has only ever performed that one time against Croatia. If not picked, performed that one time against Croatia.

Stewart Downing: if picked, 0 goals 0 assists. If not picked, bemoan lack of natural left-footers in the squad.

Anyone who plays for Swansea: if picked, they play for Swansea, a small club. If not, harshly overlooked.

Strikers:
Rooney: if picked, waste of a squad place. We'll be out after 2 games anyway. If not picked, have "ROO-DICULOUS!!!" headlines on standby.
Andy Carroll: if picked, has been rubbish all season. If not, has been brilliant for the last two games.

Defoe: if picked, has not played all season. If not, gifted finisher, adds freshness to the squad, 'Arry would have picked him.
Crouch: if picked, exposes England's dearth of strikers. If not, think of the wonder-goal.

Sturridge/Welbeck: if picked, inexperienced. If not, robbing the future of English football of valuable tournament experience.

Zealous wrote:Joke is on you. Roberto Martinez is going to be a pundit, I could listen to him tactically analyse a phone book

Zealous wrote:Guide for Criticising Roy Hodgon's Squad Selection(football 365):

Captain: if someone who has been captain before, "predictable". If not, "wrong".

Average age of squad over 26: too old, over-reliance on the failed so-called "golden generation".

Average age of squad under 26: inexperienced/ruining our chances for the Olympics (I forget whether we care about this or not).

Goalkeepers:
Joe Hart: obvious choice and deserves no credit.
Rob Green: plays for a championship club. Only selected due to failure to persuade anyone else out of retirement, ergo poor man-management.
Ben Foster: nepotism.

Right back:
Failure to take all of Micah Richards, Glen Johnson, Kyle Walker, Phil Jones and Chris Smalling constitutes a decision, and therefore automatically a risky/wrong one.

Left back:
Ashley Cole: obvious, deserves no credit. If a back-up is selected: unnecessary, waste of a squad place (cf. Stephen Warnock). If not: short-sighted.

Centre back:
Failure to persuade Rio and Terry to play together is poor man-management. Success is "too risky".

Central Midfield:
Gerrard: make reference to Hodgson's time at Liverpool and cast doubt on ability to get a performance out of him.

Lampard: too similar to Gerrard. If not picked, make unflattering AVB comparisons.

Scott Parker: would certainly perform better if 'Arry was manager
Carrick/Barry: boring.

Scholes: if picked, desperate. If not picked, a missed opportunity
Anyone else: an unknown quantity.

Wings:
Joe Cole: if not picked, point out that he has been playing brilliantly in France. If picked, point out that he has been rubbish in France. No-one will bother to check either way.

Ashley Young: if picked, diver that will not fool continental referees, therefore a waste of space. If not picked, point to past goalscoring form and ability to win penalties.

Adam Johnson: if picked, has hardly played for Man City this season. If not picked, has hardly played for Man City this season and would have bought much-needed freshness to the squad.

Walcott: if picked, has only ever performed that one time against Croatia. If not picked, performed that one time against Croatia.

Stewart Downing: if picked, 0 goals 0 assists. If not picked, bemoan lack of natural left-footers in the squad.

Anyone who plays for Swansea: if picked, they play for Swansea, a small club. If not, harshly overlooked.

Strikers:
Rooney: if picked, waste of a squad place. We'll be out after 2 games anyway. If not picked, have "ROO-DICULOUS!!!" headlines on standby.
Andy Carroll: if picked, has been rubbish all season. If not, has been brilliant for the last two games.

Defoe: if picked, has not played all season. If not, gifted finisher, adds freshness to the squad, 'Arry would have picked him.
Crouch: if picked, exposes England's dearth of strikers. If not, think of the wonder-goal.

Sturridge/Welbeck: if picked, inexperienced. If not, robbing the future of English football of valuable tournament experience.

I didn't know that the average TV pundit had a thought process.

Zealous wrote:Joke is on you. Roberto Martinez is going to be a pundit, I could listen to him tactically analyse a phone book

He was awesome during WC2010

Not Scandinavian but lol'd at "Are they Scandinavian?" --> "Yes" --> "Tell us how well-organized they are."

And Roberto Martinez analysis is absolute GOAT

Doc wrote:

Hungary is huuuuuge!!

the artist of this masterpiece

Be/\/ceCALI wrote:

Doc wrote:

Hungary is huuuuuge!!

the artist of this masterpiece

I believe the yellow country where Hungary is written is actually Ukraine and Hungary is the light green country that the arrow points to.

:vagi: :vagi: :vagi:



ty

Turkey-not even really European, dont know how they got into UEFA, probably Capello's fault

Croatia-beat us at the sport we invented, the nerve!

Italy-modern proponents inclue stoke city

Roy Hogson is the manager of England???

free_cat wrote:Roy Hogson is the manager of England???

yep, they got rid of that slimy foreginer Capello! he didnt play 4-4-2 and he didnt show emotion on the touchline! he didnt know the English way to play football!

fatman123 wrote:

free_cat wrote:Roy Hogson is the manager of England???

yep, they got rid of that slimy foreginer Capello! he didnt play 4-4-2 and he didnt show emotion on the touchline! he didnt know the English way to play football!

I've got a feeling that a trophy winning foreigner will be coming soon. Either that or the FA will realise that hell is frozen over.

Incredible. Capello leaves, and they hire the recent failure of Ray Hogson.

Name an English coach that hasn't failed recently?

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