Where does Reus go in summer '15 when his release clause can be met?

He's got a dirt cheap release clause and you know every top club will be lined up with their c*cks out. Let's hypothetical say there's absolutely no way he stays at Dortmund (which he won't, in fact he may even leave earlier).

Option 1. Bayern Munich - mister monopoly himself steps in with the largest penis of all and throws around all sorts of German gibberish at him mentioning Gotze and Lewandowski every other sentence. Robben (31), Ribery (32), Muller (25), Lewandowski (26), Gotze (23), possibly Shaqiri (23), Pizarro (36), and Julian Green (20) all vying for possibly only 3 spots. He's a Dortmund die hard so he hates Bayern a little also. Verdict: Unlikely but possible

Option 2. Real Madrid - walks in waving a huge shiny gold dildo because of insecurity of his tiny penis. Already struggling with fitting Hames (24), CR (30), Bale (26), Benz (27), Isco (23)and the emerging Jese (22) into the line up Perez once again preparing a 800 page dossier to explain to the board why signing Reus will help their defense and midfield function better and how it's the answer to the 11th. Verdict: Very unlikely but Perez is that sort of an idiot that can surprise.  

Option 3. Barcelona - Transfer ban  And Messi (28), Suarez (28), Neymar (23), Iniesta (31), Pedro (28), Deulofeufluflu (21), Tello (23), Rafinha (22). Verdict: Transfer ban

Option 4. PSG/Monaco - As if he's going to play in poverty Ligue Un Verdict:

Option 5. Serie A - All 20 clubs combines couldn't afford half of his release clause :lucas:  Verdict: Seriously though, highly unlikely.
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This is where it get's serious.

Option 6. Man Utd - If they don't get CL this season, it's wave good bye to Reus. If LVG persists with 3-4-1-2 with his lover boy RVP as a starter and Rooney undroppable at United, it's wave good bye to Reus. Otherwise one of the absolute favorites to getting him. Their penis may be small but their lawyer (wage bill) is very well hung. LVG has a certain pull as well. Verdict: One of the favorites if things pan out their way this season

Option 7. Liverpool - Should we get CL he's coming home  The only team that offers him undisputed star power. Team will be built around him. Fantastic young core. Great young manager. Ambitious owners, prestigious club. Very tiny penis though at the moment (still waiting for the enlargement surgery John Henry) which might end up being our downfall. Verdict: Probable if things pan out our way this season.

Option 8. Arsenal - Ozil, Podolski, and Merte already in the squad might be a big pull. Another team with a huge chance of getting him. They may not be able to offer him ultimate star power a la Liverpool with the likes of Ramsey, Ozil, Sanchez already there but he get's to play wherever he wants (CF, LW, RW, SS). It will depend on grumpy old Venga and if he wants to splash the cash. Serious contenders to getting him imo. Verdict: 2nd/3rd favorites imo if Venga wants him.

Option 9. Man City - Got the money. Got the need imo specially since Nasri and Navas are pretty shit for the level they want to be in and Negredo, Dzeko, Jovetic all being inferior to Reus. Verdict: Serious favorites if they want him.

Option 10. Chelsea - Attacking player's death bed. Shit club. Shit football. Vile manager. Not a chance imo. Verdict:

Option - ∞. Dortmund - Stays at home giving everyone a huge middle finger.


What do you think? Where SHOULD he go? Who are the favorites to land him?

-25% Trolling

Dortmund should sell him this summer imo. They'd probably get more than his clause. In terms of next year, I'd say he'll go to any one of the top PL teams.

He'll stay at Dortmund. No point in leaving at the moment.