Mock the Quotes: Hair today

by DeviAngel Fri 10 Feb - 15:59:41

Antonio Conte and Ruud Gullit have a hair-off, Zlatan Ibrahimovic gets childish and Beppe Marotta wants the good old days back. Susy Campanale rounds up the silliest quotes of the week.

“I did a stupid thing. It happens, it happens.”

Quite often, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, quite often

“I didn’t expect an Antonio Conte like this.”

Andrea Pirlo remembered the former midfielder with considerably less hair

“It’s fun looking back over the early reports on us, claiming we didn’t have any big signings, that our June and July work was disastrous and the Coach was a ‘tactical terrorist.’”

Conte became the leader of the Popular Bianconeri Liberation Front

“If there is action taken against Ibra? If he has made a mistake then he must pay, but do not go into the Press room and tell tales or say certain things because that is something that should not be done.”

Massimo Ambrosini invokes the Law of the Playground on Giorgio Chiellini

“This enormous chaos emerged out of nothing, followed by an infantile reaction from Juve.”

Says Marco Amelia, after teammate Ambrosini actually talked about ‘telling tales’...

“I am reading catastrophic opinions on this, but there was no violence.”

Adriano Galliani asks what could possibly be violent about Ibrahimovic slapping an opponent in the face during an off the ball argument?

“I had no idea what was going on. All I know is I got slapped.”

Antonio Nocerino felt like a member of The Three Stooges when thumped by both Ibra and Aronica

“We were too ‘soft’ stepping on to the field.”

Claudio Ranieri takes Inter to see Stomp as inspiration

“Our last match wasn’t a match, therefore I’d prefer to not give a footballing judgement.”

Was it an interpretative dance routine, Massimo Moratti?

“Conte has to take care now. The stress of it all could see his hair fall out again.”

Ruud Gullit suggests the Juventus Coach go for his 1980s dreadlocks look next time

“Is Ibrahimovic belly-aching? We’ve got a supply of antacids.”

Now if only Massimiliano Allegri can find Ibra some pills that suppress the desire to slap people...

“I don’t want to be discussing this through the media, but seeing as clubs are not allowed to communicate with the refereeing designators, this is how it must be done.”

If only Juventus director general Beppe Marotta could phone them. That’s what they did in the good old days, eh?

“Mauricio Pinilla? The Chilean is a good lad, but he’s a bit crazy.”

Takes one to know one, Maurizio Zamparini

“Outside it is still dark, but in me a light has never gone out and in a few others it is still burning.”

With hindsight, Emiliano Mondonico regrets accepting that bet to swallow a torch

“I don’t think Juan Manuel Vargas is lazy.”

Delio Rossi insists the Peruvian winger can go up and down the flank with the aid of a mini-scooter

“It’s a bit like a school at the moment, where I am a teacher and Novara players are my students.”

Mondonico is getting used to the whoopee cushion every morning

“Stevan Jovetic has great talent, but every now and then he loses his way and makes me angry.”

Rossi should just get him a sat-nav

“Football is nice sometimes because a mouse may be happy to have taken points from an elephant.”

Giuseppe Sannino says if life is like a box of chocolates, then points are like a packet of peanuts

“We’ve got to be stronger, nastier, more clinical and ruthless.”

Francesco Guidolin goes from Mr Nice Guy to Football Grinch

“Our cousins have a project that is not proving to be a winning one, but they still get praised in the media. On the other hand, our club is working solidly to reach its objectives and proving its worth with facts, yet you read things in the papers that make us seem like a disaster area.”

Igli Tare is one step away from pulling Roma’s pigtails

“On Monday in Naples we will try to break all the eggs in Walter Mazzarri’s basket.”

Stefano Sorrentino will also stamp on his tomatoes and sneeze on his cheese