Jag aR zlatan "I am Zlatan"

Actually the most interesting thing i found was the number 14 :lol!:

Top 15 quotes from Zlatan´s Book

Zlatan Ibrahimovic has written a book and, from the sound of the quotes that have been drip-dripping for the past few days, it’s exactly the kind of book that you’d expect – namely, 300 pages documenting his innate greatness and comprehensively listing all the people he wants to kick into the middle of next week.

Sadly, Ibra’s tome is not going to be translated into English for some reason, so we thought we’d bring you the best quotes that we’ve heard translated from the Swedish vernacular since ‘Jar Är Zlatan’ (I Am Zlatan) started circulating last week…

1. “I got a bike when I was little, a BMX. I called it ‘Fido Dido’ after the tough little cartoon guy with spiked hair. I thought he was the coolest thing ever.

“The bike got stolen outside of the Rosengård swimming baths and Dad went there with his shirt open and sleeves rolled up. He’s the kind of person that says: ‘No one touches my kids! No one takes their stuff’. But not even a tough guy like him could do anything about it. Fido Dido was gone, and I was crushed.”

2. “I felt like crap when I was sitting in the locker room with Guardiola staring at me like I was an annoying distraction, an outsider. It was nuts. He was a wall, a stone wall. I didn’t get any sign of life from him and I was wishing myself away every moment with the team.”

3. “Then Guardiola started his philosopher thing. I was barely listening. Why would I? It was advanced bullshit about blood, sweat and tears, that kind of stuff.”

4. “Jose Mourinho is a big star…He’s cool. The first time he met [my wife] he whispered to her: ‘Helena, you have only one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy!’ The guy says what he wants. I like him.”

5. “Mourinho is Guardiola’s opposite. If Mourinho brightens up the room, Guardiola pulls down the curtains and I guessed that Guardiola now tried to measure himself with him.”

6. “An injured Zlatan is a pretty serious thing for any team.”

7. “Lionel Messi is awesome. He’s unbelievable, but I don’t really know him. We are totally different. He came to Barça as a 13-year old. He’s raised in that culture and has no problems with that ‘school’ shit. In the team, the play is all around him, pretty naturally actually. He’s brilliant, but now I had arrived [at Barca] and scored more goals than him.”

8. “It was a childhood dream [to play for Barca] and I was walking on air. It started well but then Messi started to talk. He wanted to play in the middle, not on the wing, so the system changed. I was sacrificed.”

9. “I barely yelled at my teammates any more. Something had happened, nothing serious, not yet, but still. I became quiet and that’s lethal, believe me. I have to be angry to play well. I have to scream and shout. Now I kept it in.”

10. “I asked for a meeting with Guardiola – for a discussion, not an argument. I said I was being used in the wrong way and that they shouldn’t have bought me if they wanted another type of player.

“I told him what a friend had said to me – ‘you bought a Ferrari but drive it like a Fiat’. The chat seemed to go well but then Guardiola started to freeze me out.”


11. “I would walk into a room; he would leave. He would greet everyone by saying hello, but would ignore me. I had done a lot to adapt – the Barca players were like schoolboys, following the coach blindly, whereas I was used to asking ‘why should we?”

12. “At Barca, players were banned from driving their sports cars to training. I thought this was ridiculous – it was no one’s business what car I drive – so in April, before a match with Almeria, I drove my Ferrari Enzo to work. It caused a scene.”

13. “(Guardiola) was staring at me and I lost it. I thought ‘there is my enemy, scratching his bald head!’. I yelled to him: ‘You have no balls!’ and probably worse things than that.

“I added: ‘You are shitting yourself because of Jose Mourinho. You can go to hell!’. I was completely mad. I threw a box full of training gear across the room, it crashed to the floor and Pep said nothing, just put stuff back in the box. I’m not violent, but if I were Guardiola I would have been frightened.”

14. On reports of ‘excessive behaviour’ following Juventus’ 2005 title win: “It was the fault of David Trezeguet, who made me do one drink of vodka after another. I slept in the bathtub. Now I hold my vodka much better.”

15. When asked about Mario Balotelli’s recent tomfoolery: “I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house.”

(The last two quotes are lifted from a Gazzetta interview with Ibra conducted during his promo tour – though the questions were based on excerpts from the book)

While we’re pretty sure ‘Jar Är Zlatan’ must touch on other subjects (surely there’s at least one chapter dedicated to Gerard Pique?), it certainly seems that at least 80% of the book is just full-on Pep-bashing which, in theory, should make for a decent read.

And remember kids! Only set off fireworks at kebab stands!

GOAT!

Zlatan is a true Krogan .....

johniet wrote:
12. “At Barca, players were banned from driving their sports cars to training. I thought this was ridiculous – it was no one’s business what car I drive – so in April, before a match with Almeria, I drove my Ferrari Enzo to work. It caused a scene.”

what an absolute twat...

che wrote:

johniet wrote:
12. “At Barca, players were banned from driving their sports cars to training. I thought this was ridiculous – it was no one’s business what car I drive – so in April, before a match with Almeria, I drove my Ferrari Enzo to work. It caused a scene.”

what an absolute twat...

It might sound like him being a twat but if you think about it, it's up to him what he drives. He was proving a point.

the point being that he has a miniscule penis...?

the fact that you have to be a ginormous douchebag to drive an enzo on the road aside, if the club's rules clearly say that they don't want players driving sports cars why the hell would you deliberately break them? to prove you're the bigger man?

it's even more laughable how he confirms he was being a dick for the sake of being a dick, then complains about how he was treated at the club

Telling the players what cars they can or can't drive is like telling them what they can or can't wear.

Hope R.M don't have a similar rule, cause frankly it's quiet retarded.

They do tell players what they can or can't wear tho......

Frankly...it's the most retarded rule I've heard of .

che wrote:the point being that he has a miniscule penis...?

the fact that you have to be a ginormous douchebag to drive an enzo on the road aside, if the club's rules clearly say that they don't want players driving sports cars why the hell would you deliberately break them? to prove you're the bigger man?

it's even more laughable how he confirms he was being a dick for the sake of being a dick, then complains about how he was treated at the club

Not everyone who drives a sports car is a douche man.There are kids who grow up poor (like Zlatan) who dream of one day having a sports car, and Barca's gonna tell him....no you can't do what you always dreamed of doing because we have an ethic committee.

What's next , he can't have sex because they aren't fans of pre-martial sex and want him to respect the institution of marriage.?

Honestly he shouldn't have been stupid about it...driving it to training...but you really shouldn't criticize the guy just based on the fact that he drives a certain model car.....giving material posessions like that such symbolic value isn't right.

It's like school rules, FFS they're grown man.

Pep

lol at players not allowed to drive sportscar in training ground when barca pays their superstars multimillion worth of contract , and what ibra talks about school rules in barca locker room.

i have to say though good for guardiola that most players that he has on disposal are from barca youth and used to house rules, culture within the team so even superstars like messi xavi iniesta are still following the rules, a good listener and good keeper of code of conduct. guardiola is very lucky he has players who follows what he says. hence he is benefitting maximum from their players. i think thats one of the reasons why barca is much stronger than any other club, as players collaborate well with coach tactics playing styles and all.

but for outsider it must be pretty stressful, to follow the rules and all, or the philosophy of the club.

but ever since messi was moved in the middle that was the lowest times for ibra i guess but it has served barca pretty well making more effective more lethal in attack than ever.

I agree with Ibra on the car matter, telling a man what to drive when it has no effect on his profession is not the same as giving players strict diets.

Driving your own car which you payed for is your own business full stop.

johniet wrote:
8. “It was a childhood dream [to play for Barca] and I was walking on air. It started well but then Messi started to talk. He wanted to play in the middle, not on the wing, so the system changed. I was sacrificed.”

Messi, what a bastard...or are we not getting the whole truth?

Yet Balotelli didn't set his own house on fire?

Speaks volumes of the credibility of the crap he said in that book.

Just wanted to say im almost done with the book and i really really enjoyed it, it gives a ton of perspective on every point of his career like the times he has underperformed. It clears up some mysteries as well.

Ibra is the player my heart races the most for, i'm a very pragmatic person like Mourinho, but all the stuff he does makes me pretty emotional. Nowadays im not his biggest fanboy for obvious reasons, but still, when i thing about years passing by and all the GOAT players i have watched, i'm sure my grandkids are going to hear about Ibra and Inter back in the day.

If you like at all his style of play and his personality, i highly recommend this book.

P.S. The "journalist" only read the first chapter of the book, all the quotes except the Trezeguet one are from that part. The whole book is filled with comments like those.

P.P.S. Just finished the book, i can confidently say its not "90% Pep bashing".

che wrote:the point being that he has a miniscule penis...?

the fact that you have to be a ginormous douchebag to drive an enzo on the road aside, if the club's rules clearly say that they don't want players driving sports cars why the hell would you deliberately break them? to prove you're the bigger man?

it's even more laughable how he confirms he was being a dick for the sake of being a dick, then complains about how he was treated at the club

Maybe he would not have driven there in the first place if the club never treated him like shit.

It is a shit rule anyway. You should be able to drive anything you want ffs.

Really interesting quotes. Ibra has just changed a bit in my eyes (yea, positively)
Anyways, treating players like this.. I'm not really surprised anyways. That sports car thing, he probably wouldn't have drived his Enzo to training if Barca didn't treat him like a pile of sh*t.