I Now Present You To...

Show Host: Hi there! It's always a pleasure to be with you on this station! Tonight we've got a special guest.
As you know, we've planned to bring a certain favorite AC Milan champion to our show to talk to us for a while, and here I present you to Daniele Bonera...

[Silence for 5 seconds]

Show Host: Hahaha! [Whispers: Mr.Bonera? Mr.Bonera]?

Bonera: Come on mom, just 10 minutes! All I'm asking for is another 10 f***ing minutes, God...

Show Host: You're on air Mr.Bonera!

Bonera: Oh it's you? Huh I remember, I remember [yawns loudly] Man! It's 11 o'clock at midnight! Do you have any idea how much I've been forced to run today? F*** Max. I just wonder man, if I'm not gonna play then why should I run this hard?

Show Host: We're terribly sorry sir, but I trust we had an agreement, didn't we?

Bonera: Yeah, yeah. Sorry man, just too tired to live. Hey guys, what up? This is Daniele Bonera.

Show Host: Now we're talking. Now, the phone calls...

Caller #1: Hey Dan!

Show Host: Mr.Bonera [whispers: goddamit...] Mr.Bonera please!

Bonera: Hey! [yawns again] How's it goin'?

Caller #1: Fine, great, thanx. So Dan, where will you play next season Dan?

Bonera: Would you please call me Daniele? I just hate Dan.

Caller #1: Yeah, sure. So, where?

Bonera: How should I know? My agent does the hard work, I just run.

Caller #1: So, you don't know if you'll be in Milan?

Bonera: Am I nuts? Do I look nuts to you? Only a fool would leave Milan with such conditions.

Caller #1: Um, what conditions are you talking about?

Bonera: Money man, cash, dough, juice, whatever you call it.

Caller #1: You mean you're here for money?

Bonera: No, love, I'm here to win trophies, I'm here for the jersey, for my avid fans, ah my heart beats so loud. I'm wherever Lord almighty wants me to be. What a knucklehead!

Caller #1: Get out of my team!

Bonera: Sure I will, only you must let my contract run out in 2013! Ha!

Caller #1: Whatever. Douche...

Show Host: Next caller please!

Caller #2: Hey Dan! How's your mama?

Bonera: She's really good, how's your sister?

Show Host: Sorry for the inconvenience...

Bonera: No, no, no, I wanna take this, where's this guy?

Show Host: My friends intervened Mr.Bonera.

Caller #3: Hey Daniele! I'm a big big fan!

Bonera: So what?

Caller #3: Well, I just love you.

Bonera: What is this S***? Do I look pretty to you? Have I done anything gay lately? Why does this keep happening to me?

Caller #3: Nah man, it's just, I like the way you play, is all. No homo intended...

Bonera: WHY? WHY? No, tell me why? I wanna know. I haven't even been called up to the National team. I ain't played for 2 years. Why?

Caller #3: Are you some kind of a freak? I guess I praised you just 20 seconds ago?

Bonera: I'm not "some kind of a freak", I'm a total freak. Who's in charge here? Get this guy off me.

Caller #4: F*** you!

Bonera: Thank you, you too %^&%)$^*.

Show Host: That's odd, we've never had too many phone calls like this with previous guests.

Bonera: Yeah, fame brings Enmity and jealousy. You don't worry bro, I'll take care of them myself.

Show Host: Apparently you can indeed do that. Next caller please.

Caller #5: Hey man. These bums only call to piss you off. I hate them.

Bonera: Yeah, I hate them too. So what's your name buddy?

Caller #5: Yeah, like I said they just wanna piss you off, while I'm here to threaten. We'll get you once you step out of this pathetic studio?

Bonera: No s***? Are you? Boy am I scared. My bodyguard will be all over you punk. Next!

Caller #6: You're my hero man! The way you outshone Cannavaro in World Cup 2006 and bulldozed those attackers is beyond me! You the man!

Bonera: Ask your auntie, I was with her in June 2006, she can testify...

Show Host: Jeez...

Caller #7: Hello! Can I ask how many kids you have, Dan?

Bonera: With you, that'll be 3.

Caller #7: You must be ashamed, I'm a fan!

Bonera: Oh I'm sorry! I made a mistake. With you, that'll be 4!

Caller #7: I can't believe this, you've been my favorite player since your Parma days.

Bonera: Yeah, you're my favorite kid too.

Show Host: Mr. Bonera I believe you are going too far with this behavior.

Bonera: Can't you see they're threatening, cussing, ridiculing me?

Show Host: That would be no reason to behave like this. You're violating our rules.

Bonera: I'm sick and tired of these rules. I can't ask Max why I don't play, now here I can't talk like I want? I'm outta here.

Show Host: Hahaha! Sorry folks. [Whispers: Mr.Bonera you sit on your ass here until the time's up.]

Caller #8: What do you think about Nesta Daniele?

Bonera: He's done his homework well. If you do remember, back in 2006 when I arrived, his positioning was laughable. I gave him a tip or two and admittedly, he's a quick learner.

Caller #8: You mean you think you're better compared to him?

Bonera: Do you even need to ask? Injuries have stopped me, otherwise I would be there for Ballon d'Or 2008, 2009 whatever.

Caller #8: Dream on.

Bonera: Say hello to your...[dammit] bye man.

Caller #9: Hi Mr. Bonera!

Bonera: Goodbye! Hahahahaha...

Caller #9: To be honest, you didn't seem to be as mean as you sound now.

Bonera: Fate man, fate. I've been through a lot.

Caller #9: Yeah, from this surgeon to the next, yeah, you've been through a lot of operations.

Bonera: Get out of here.

Caller #10: [Female voice] I just wanted to say how much I love...

Show Host: We're sorry! We're out of time.

Bonera: Let this doll finish her line!

Show Host: Do continue ma'am!

Caller #10: Yeah, I was saying I loved your last movie.

Show Host: Movie? I thought he's a Footballer.

Bonera: Thank you! [Whispers: I'll be whatever she wants me to be!] So, what's your name? [whispers: Can I get her number after the show from the technical team?]

Caller #10: My name is (...)

Show Host: We're really out of time...

Bonera: I said just this one! One decent caller and you wanna get rid of her? You were saying, so, do your parents know...

Show Host: Couldn't we possibly find a nicer weirdo? That's it for tonight. So long.
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Bonera: How old are you honey?

lol Iras. Now he sounds like materazzi to me. Lmao

I hope this is satire!?!?

ali8775 wrote:I hope this is satire!?!?

Iras doesn't do satire, he only does hardcore interviews straight to the point. He's a lucky devil.

IzzyC08 wrote:

ali8775 wrote:I hope this is satire!?!?

Iras doesn't do satire, he only does hardcore interviews straight to the point. He's a lucky devil.

LOL of course bro! How could anyone think this was satire?

Great post iras BTW.