Mourinho and the Dark Side

From the broadsheet in the UK The Independent.

If ever Star Wars was a film about football, Jose Mourinho would undoubtedly be the Dark Emperor. The fact that his Real Madrid side wear the same white that typified the Stormtroopers just enhances the comparison with the Empire.
The Special One once again found himself in the midst of controversy as last night’s Clasico for the Spanish Super Cup ended in fisticuffs between the teams and the management staff.
One of the more shocking moments in this melee was caught on camera as Mourinho was seen sticking his hand into the face of Barcelona’s assistant manager Tito Vilanova.
For a long time, Mourinho has divided opinion among football fans. Like the Emperor, he is adored by the members of the Empire (his own fans) while the Rebels detest his every move.
As the gung-ho Gerard Pique (or Hans Solo) claimed yesterday, Mourinho is ‘destroying Spanish football’. The World Cup winning defender further went on to claim if the Special One was left unchecked ‘things could only end badly’.
If you are still having a hard time believing that Jose Mourinho is indeed Emperor Palpatine or Darth Sidious, we have drawn up a list of five striking similarities between the two that shall leave you completely convinced…


1. Unbelievably cunning talker
The most obvious similarity between the Special One and the Evil One is their brilliance at commanding the attention of every listener.
While, Palpatine announced his arrival in The Empire Strikes Back with the iconic, “I sense a great disturbance in the Force”. Mou endeared himself to journalists with his ‘I am not one of the bottle, I think I am a special one’.
Furthermore, both men seem to have a mesmeric control over their followers who single-mindedly obey their each and every command. As Wesley Sneijder described his willingness to put all on the line for Mou: “I would die for Jose on the pitch”.

The Emperor from Star Wars was known for destroying young talent

2. Destroying young talent
There are many things Mourinho does right with his team like imbibing a no-quit mentality or making them perform well above expectations, but nurturing talent is not one of them.


While, the Emperor completely destroyed young upcoming Jedis by attacking their training academy in Revenge of the Sith, the same can be said about Mourinho’s tactics with youth teams at the clubs he takes over.
Be it at Chelsea, Inter or now at Real Madrid, Mourinho has generally neglected young talent in his teams choosing established veterans over them at every given opportunity.


The likes of Pedro Leon and Sergio Canales at Real, Marko Arnautovic at Inter or even Lassana Diarra while he was at Chelsea were simply overlooked and not considered by Mourinho during his tenures at those clubs.


3. Affinity to the colour red
The Dark side was characterized by its use of the colour red be it in their light sabers or even the Emperor’s personal bodyguards. Wherever the Emperor went the colour red followed like a smitten lover.
Mourinho himself has a great relationship with red as he or his team have seen it flash in front of their eyes very often. In the last seven meetings between Real and Barca since Mourinho took over, Madrid have had six red cards.


The former Chelsea man had red trouble even at Inter as in the 2009-10 season, the former European champions were reduced to ten men or less on 10 different occasions. Mou himself has been shown the red on countless occasions, leading to lengthy touchline bans.


4. The Force works against him (or so he would have you believe)
Another striking similarity is that the Emperor believed there was a Jedi conspiracy to take over the Galaxy and from Mourinho’s perspective it is Barcelona, Uefa, UNICEF and pretty much everyone else who conspires against Real.


Mourinho has always suggested that the world is against him at every opportunity. At Chelsea, he firmly believed Manchester United were overtly favoured by referees. At Inter, it was rivals AC Milan and now at Real its Barca.


There have been times when Mourinho might have had cause to complain, but recently on many occasions Mou has started sounding delusional much like the Emperor towards the end of his reign.


5. Turning players to the dark side
The Emperor was known for turning most to the Dark side and Mourinho has single-handedly acquainted every team he has been in charge of with the Sith. His apprentices are many and their work is pure destruction.
In just over a year, Madrid went from being second-best in Spain to a team that is now greatly despised by many neutrals simply because of the Mourinho effect. Their players are reckless in tackles and seem to incite Barcelona at every given opportunity.


The story was similar even at Inter, as the Nerazzurri became known for their negative tactics. It was Lucio and Samuel at Inter while here at Real it has to be Pepe and Marcelo who do Mou’s dirtiest work much like Darth Maul and Count Dooku.


But, if there was ever to be an Anakin Skywalker it has to be Mario Balotelli who before Mou came along was widely regarded as a supremely talented youngster. But his constant squabbles with the manager which also saw Jose berate him in a press conference, seem to have made Balotelli an uncontrollable individual akin to Darth Vader.


So, there you have it, all the proof that was ever needed to prove that Mourinho indeed is the Emperor. In fact, you can be assured that when he talks to his players during pre-game preparations he talks in that creepy voice like Palpatine.

This is *bleep* bullshit and honestly not funny at all.

I found it funny becouse that's the way Xavi and Pique tries to portrait him. Relax, it's meant to be a joke

it's like Xavi wrote this bullshit.

Personally I think Barcelona are puppeteering the media all around us to create this villain image of Mourinho and Real Madrid. They want Mou out of Madrid asap.

This can be seen by the players comments, their "official announcements" on there official website towards mou himself in April.

cule propaganda is strong

It bought them Fabregas for a cheap price, it helped them be known as the best football of all time and finally it helped them create this image of the perfect football club that never buys players but a club that solely depends on its youth. They made La Masia look like the best football school lol.

Strong cule propaganda indeed

St_Nick09_of_Goal wrote:cule propaganda is strong

Even their fans are infected by it Alexjanosik and messixaviniesta are good examples

H.A. wrote:Personally I think Barcelona are puppeteering the media all around us to create this villain image of Mourinho and Real Madrid. They want Mou out of Madrid asap.

They know Mourinho will destroy their fortune finally.

Lol. Though its true I dont like the direction its going, Mou doesnt know how to lose. Whenever we draw/lose to Barca, even in these games where it has been nice and fair, he brings up diving and cheating. Im starting to believe this violence stuff too.

But Balotelli=Darth Vader is hillarious.