Want to learn Italian?

Being on twitter for the past few years I’ve spoken with people from all around the world. From Alaska to Papa New Guinea, to some guy claiming he was following me from a base in Antarctica (still need to verify).. All this mish-mashing of languages has led to some awkward translations of basic Italian Calcio words every Milan fan in the world should know, regardless of background! So, being The Milan Guy and representing the team to an English based audience, I’ve decided to have a series of Italian Lessons throughout the summer that will teach you the basics of Calcio. Just wait as your friends expression goes from goofy to awestruck as you boast your new talent. Not to mention the impact this will have on the ladies as you sweep them off their feet with a well timed (and pronounced) ‘Moviola!’ randomly thrown into your conversation.

Lesson #1: Do not ever say “Milanistas” in Italy without expecting a dirty look or two. Milanistas/Milanistis is WRONG! Milanista is singular! Example: That Milanista over there must be really proud that he supports the greatest team in the world. Milanisti is plural! Also, this applies to people infortunate enough to be Inter fans – Interista/Interisti. Now for the intermediate lesson, let’s take all the terms we just learned and throw them into one sentence! Example: The Milanisti burned down the car of the Interista in the parking lot. Well done, students!

Lesson #2: Pronunciation: If you’re planning on getting a fistful of Milanista fury delivered onto your face, then go to Milan and ask someone if he is an Inter or AC fan. DO NOT REFER TO MILAN AS AC! We are not an air conditioning company, we are the most storied team in the world! Also, the correct pronunciation for Milan is = “MEE-LAN”, it is NOT = “M’LAWN”. The only place where “M’LAWN” might be widely accepted is in the Great Plains, but if you aren’t in the Great Plains then PLEASE refer to our team as MEE-LAN, and not AC! Example: “Hey Roger, are you supporting Inter or AC in the ‘Seria-Ah?” What is the correct response to someone uttering these shameful words in your direction? That’s right Milanisti, clench those five knuckles god gave you and plow that fistful of pain right into that blasphemous mouth. He’ll be sure to remember!

Alright, Milanisti! Now you’ve got the basics under wrap and you’re ready to go on to definitions and translations! Now, if anything is unclear from the past few paragraphs, re-read them until they are engrained inside your brain. Have any doubts? Re-read it.

Positions on the pitch

Portiere = Goalkeeper, Mani Di Burro = Buttery Hands (Dida, Kalac, Eduardo, Muslera)

Papera = Goalkeeping Blunder. For example, nearly every shot directed towards Eduardo might result in a Papera.

Difensore = Defender, Terzino = Fullback, Centrale = Central Defender.

Centrocampista = Midfielder, Mediano = Defensive Mid, Mezz’ala = Box to Box Side Mid.

Pippa = An atrocious player. For example, nearly every player on Bari is a pippa.

Trequartista = Link between Midfield and Attack. Ala = Winger.

Attaccante = Attacker, Prima Punta/Centroavanti = Target Striker, Seconda Punta = Second Striker

Verme = Worm – also the symbol on Inter’s old away kit that shattered record for unintentional comedy. Other popular Vermi = Leonardo, Moratti, Inter, Inter’s entire roster except former Interista Quaresma, who was secretly deployed by Galliani to sabotage Inter any time he played, resulting in a situation similar as Inter having ten men on the pitch. Ricky, you will be missed in Serie A.

Dentigialli = Yellow, rotten teeth. The primary characteristic of Massimo Moratti. If you haven’t seen them yet, just imagine the color of a yellow card taken out by a referee. Now imagine that yellow card having plaque stains and pieces of food all over it. That’s the image we see every time the camera (unfortunately) zooms on that macabre image of Moratti celebrating in the stands, gnarled fingers viciously palpitating in excitement.

More Random Serie A Terms: Capocannoniere = Leading scorer of Serie A. Contropiede = Counter attack, Bandiera = Icon of a team, Cartellino Giallo = Yellow Card, Cartellino Rosso = Red Card, also synonymous with Marco Materazzi. Retrocessione = Relegation, Scudetto = Winner of Serie A Cup.

Alright Milanisti, if all the information hasn’t caused a seizure yet or your brain to inexplicably explode, then congratulations you’re ready for sentences! Now, we’re going to study a series of basic sentences THAT EVERY Italian calcio fan should know and have memorized by heart! Ready Milanisti?! Here we go!

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

“Se c’e Eduardo in porta, puoi tirare anche da 40 metri.” – “If Genoa’s Eduardo is playing, you may shoot from 40 meters.”

“Mi piace molto il nuovo taglio di Pirlo.” = “I really like Pirlo’s new haircut.”

“Chi ha pagato Digao? Sembra che sta truccando la partita.. Ah no, e veramente cosi scarso.” – “Who paid Digao, I think he is throwing the game. Oh no wait, he really is that bad.”

“Guarda! Quel motorino e di un Interista! Veloce ragazzi, bruciamola!!” – “Look, that Vespa is owned by an Interista! Quick guys, let’s burn it!”

Now that the five most important phrases for any Calcio fan have been emblazoned into your long term memory bank, you’ve got the tools necessary to not only understand Calcio terminology perfectly, but to also have a very deep & intellectual conversation with a Milan fan in Italy! Just remember the five important sentences, and the rest will come “naturale!”

Alright Milanisti, ciao ciao!

LOOOOOLL Some epic stuff from Bonetti

niiiiiiice

Chi non salta e' nerazzurro

I love the Eduardo comments

thats some really funny stuff...

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

classic

Since I'm not so familiar with twitter, can i ask who is the Bonetti you're talking about? you mean Massimo Bonetti? o.O
and very good points made to teach the foreign Milan fans not to make the 'MILANISTAS-MILANISTIS' mistake because it's not an english word to add an 's' second, it bothers the eyes and the ears when you try to read it
now i can provide you with some Anti Inter or Anti Juve stuff if you like

king_alex10 wrote:thats some really funny stuff...

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

classic

I can see you using it soon

Grande Milanista!

Fantastic post Milanista, love your writing style.

+rep

Excellleeennnttt hahaha

LOL that was hilarious.. Great job milanista!

WTF with the comments

BarrileteCosmico wrote:Fantastic post Milanista, love your writing style.

+rep

This is Matteo Bonetti....

“Guarda! Quel motorino e di un Interista! Veloce ragazzi, bruciamola!!” – “Look, that Vespa is owned by an Interista! Quick guys, let’s burn it!”

Lol I had this as my sig a week ago...

can i enroll in to the class as well

that was Bonetti's best work

must say i find his articles shite but generally on twitter he's a pretty decent guy, with great stuff like this

Check out Bonetti's website. More hilarious stuff there. Take a look at Current Players.

Great stuff....I'm teaching myself Italian on the part time basis...I haven't gotten to Calcio yet so I'm breaking out the flashcards to copy these bad boys down....

Good lookin' Milanista.

Something from Bonetti I actually enjoyed.

Also if you want you guys can go vote for goal of the year and freekick of the year. Hasn't had many votes yet. Hope you like the picks.

I read this a while ago, it's a nice piece of writing..

king_alex10 wrote:thats some really funny stuff...

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

classic

Funny, last I checked Milanisti from Milan were mostly blue collar-ed workers with no money living in ghetto's near the sewers.

Interisti are hierarchy, not poor filth like their Pathetic counterparts.

RobbyV wrote:Funny, last I checked Milanisti from Milan were mostly blue collar-ed workers with no money living in ghetto's near the sewers.

Interisti are hierarchy, not poor filth like their Pathetic counterparts.

Then why do you support Inter? F**king filth get out of our section with your bullshit.

RobbyV wrote:

king_alex10 wrote:thats some really funny stuff...

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

classic

Funny, last I checked Milanisti from Milan were mostly blue collar-ed workers with no money living in ghetto's near the sewers.

Note: You forfeit any moral high ground you see yourself to be taking when you post rubbish like this.

Either teach us some Italian or move on.

RobbyV wrote:

king_alex10 wrote:thats some really funny stuff...

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

classic

Funny, last I checked Milanisti from Milan were mostly blue collar-ed workers with no money living in ghetto's near the sewers.

Interisti are hierarchy, not poor filth like their Pathetic counterparts.

Learn to take a joke ffs.

And your pathetic counterparts have 4 more Champions League titles than you.

milanista99 wrote:

RobbyV wrote:

king_alex10 wrote:thats some really funny stuff...

“L’Interista puzza di fogna” – “The Inter fan smells of sewage.”

classic

Funny, last I checked Milanisti from Milan were mostly blue collar-ed workers with no money living in ghetto's near the sewers.

Interisti are hierarchy, not poor filth like their Pathetic counterparts.

Learn to take a joke ffs.

And your pathetic counterparts have 4 more Champions League titles than you.

Patetico, ma meglio in ogni modo?