Re: Quotes from other forums that make you LOL

[futbol]

Redcafe is glorious this season. Glorious! Absolute peak form.

Michael Carrick has been certifiably shit this season. I wouldn't give him the responsibility of controlling the direction of my piss stream, let alone controlling a midfield.

[Hapless_Hans]

True. These guys are absolutely hilarious. Plus the Thiago transfer thread must be the greatest thread ever to exist on a forum.

Here's my favourite though

http://www.redcafe.net/threads/if-we-win-the-cl-i-will.384564/
Thread called "If we win the CL, I will..."

If we win the champions league this season i will......

....

Promise not to question his appointment in the mod forum for 25 minutes after winning it.

stop sending him dvd's of inter-racial porn

Pay for a copy of WinRAR.

...

[S]

From Milan forums :

I think the reason we are so terrible nowadays is because the owner of this club himself is a very sinful man. When he is so infected by his evil and wrong doings. There is no way God's blessings will ever come upon him. There is no light inside him or inside that club. There is only darkness and Satan rules over them all; and henceforth he brings us blight and mischief by making us loose all the time!

Berlusconi should sell Milan, after that he should ask for forgiveness of his sins because of is fornication act with an under age prostitute, Galliani should also ask for forgiveness because at his age he is still having girlfriends, Barbara should also ask for forgiveness for jumping from one man to another, without that Milan will never exile and if they don't want to ask for forgiveness. Please sell AC Milan before Milan is doomed!

[RED]

Redcafe is glorious this season. Glorious! Absolute peak form.

Michael Carrick has been certifiably shit this season. I wouldn't give him the responsibility of controlling the direction of my piss stream, let alone controlling a midfield.

   lmao. That is harsh

[S]

On Osvaldo after last night's performance :

Conte/Marotta never learns. Borriello, Anelka, now this. Not only he doesn't perform but his presence somehow managed to lower Llorente's form.

No disrespect to Giovinco, who had a very good game, but the game changed completely when this guy came off.

Such a terrible performance.

As was expected. Osvaldo wore down the defenders, so giovinco could show his magic against a tired defence.

Not saying he was good, but he did his work wich helped us

In response to person 3 :

We are now aware of his strength, he makes the opponents (and the fans) tired while playing.

[rwo power]

This discussion about yesterday's Bayern tactics in the Guardian cracked me up:

Spoiler:

[elitedam]

This discussion about yesterday's Bayern tactics in the Guardian cracked me up:

Spoiler:

"False manager"   

[RED]

This team by team review of the season had my ribs hurting from laughing.

http://www.redcafe.net/threads/team-by-team-season-review-2013-2014.390557/

9) Stoke -A new manager at the helm, which means Stoke fans have watched in bemusement as their team attempted to stop playing like Stoke and start playing like a real football team, only to realise they couldn't and then revert back to trying to be Stoke again. Only to realise they couldn't do that anymore either, but then realise that there's so many awful teams in the league that it doesn't really matter. Armed with the ability to play terribly, and then snatch barely deserved wins with ridiculous 30 yard shots. Boasting hideously deformed players such as Charlie Adam, and Dean Whitehead, whose face is so large, it's probably looking at you, right now. A fan base that remains comprised of people who look like they were kicked out of the West Ham supporter's club for overdoing it a bit. A ground famed for its harsh wind and weather conditions, yet when it did start raining against Manchester United, the game got stopped and all the players ran into the tunnel.

Verdict: 6/10 Stoke make me angry, and Pulis leaving has left me confused as to why, which makes me more angry.

lmao

[Busby Babe]

I really want him (Shaw). I do think the price is excessive but I think potentially he could be the best left back in the world for the next 10-12 years.

And alongside Januzaj, we could have one of the most exciting left sides in the world if the two develop as expected.

With Smalling and Valencia on the other side we'll play like we've had a stroke.

[RED]

I really want him (Shaw). I do think the price is excessive but I think potentially he could be the best left back in the world for the next 10-12 years.

And alongside Januzaj, we could have one of the most exciting left sides in the world if the two develop as expected.

With Smalling and Valencia on the other side we'll play like we've had a stroke.

[Great Leader Sprucenuce]

This team by team review of the season had my ribs hurting from laughing.

http://www.redcafe.net/threads/team-by-team-season-review-2013-2014.390557/

9) Stoke -A new manager at the helm, which means Stoke fans have watched in bemusement as their team attempted to stop playing like Stoke and start playing like a real football team, only to realise they couldn't and then revert back to trying to be Stoke again. Only to realise they couldn't do that anymore either, but then realise that there's so many awful teams in the league that it doesn't really matter. Armed with the ability to play terribly, and then snatch barely deserved wins with ridiculous 30 yard shots. Boasting hideously deformed players such as Charlie Adam, and Dean Whitehead, whose face is so large, it's probably looking at you, right now. A fan base that remains comprised of people who look like they were kicked out of the West Ham supporter's club for overdoing it a bit. A ground famed for its harsh wind and weather conditions, yet when it did start raining against Manchester United, the game got stopped and all the players ran into the tunnel.

Verdict: 6/10 Stoke make me angry, and Pulis leaving has left me confused as to why, which makes me more angry.

lmao

LOL just read through the Newcastle one

Verdict: 6/10 Alan Pardew is like the incredible Hulk except instead of turning green and invincible, nothing happens, and then he has to start apologising to everyone to avoid getting the crap kicked out of him.

[futbol]

3) Chelsea

The mighty Mourinho has returned. The man who insufferable football nerds and disgruntled United fans will hail as a managerial and charismatic god in the face of any evidence whatsoever to the contrary.

Witness as he dispels claims of him being boring with:

- Unecessarilly long post match interviews in which he recounts the entire game you've just watched, play by pay, for no reason

- Prolonged unexplained sulking

- 0-0 draws

- Especially uneventful and drab 0-0 draws, in games which both teams needed to win in order to mathematically keep their season alive

- Unprovoked, indirect digs at Arsene Wenger, which no one, including Arsene Wenger, could care less about



Gasp in awe at ingenious managerial tactics, such as:

- Falling out with his best player and selling him to a different club

- Falling out with his remaining best player and slagging him off in public

- Repeated telling everyone in public that his players are too shit to win the league

- Spending all summer trying to sign a player he had no chance of ever signing, then signing someone much less good at the last-minute, then getting caught slagging them off in public

- Stating he's going to build his team around a particular player, then dropping them halfway through the season

Mourinho has Mourinho'd Chelsea so much, that they've become the best team in the world at stopping other teams from winning, to the point that it's even extended to stopping themselves from winning. Chelsea also have so many of the same, vague type of attacking player, that they actually managed to name nearly an entire team of players against Manchester United who were playing in the same position...and yet still no one really knows exactly what that position is.

Thought: I wonder what Chelsea fans would think of their manager after this season if his name was Rafa Benitez?

Verdict: 6/10 - A trophyless season of boredom glossed over as apparently being a success because it's what Mourinho said would happen, even though it was his job to make sure it didn't.

[stevieg8]

but they stopped us from winning the league, so that's just as good. Congrats Chelsea

[The_Badger]

2) Liverpool - No one will forget the galling, moving image of unapologetic racist Luis Suarez weeping uncontrollably, having failed to win a League title with the team he cares about so much, he spent all summer desperately trying to leave them. Liverpool have invented an interesting new concept this season. The concept of "deserving" to win a prize you're competing for and which there is nothing stopping you from winning, but without actually having to win it. Presumably at the next Olympics, Usain Bolt can now just stand on the starting line in the 100m final, and wait for the gold medal he deserves to run up the track to him? Most baffling about this theory (which has been rammed repeatedly down everyone's throats), is that Gerrard has been bestowed with this sense of entitlement more than anyone else...the man whose lack of non brainless leadership qualities and inability to keep his nerve, is one of the main reasons Liverpool didn't win the league.

He's right about Steven Gerrard.

[lszanto]

Shaw for 27m pounds is actually quite a good deal.

Not only do they get Shaw but they also get Januzaj back from his back pocket, a 2 for the price of one.

[S]

http://www.goal.com/en/news/1716/champions-league/2014/08/28/5066408/champions-league-draw-in-full-real-madrid-face-liverpool?ICID=HP_HN_HP_RI_0_3

man u got really lucky, they avoided everyone

[Onyx]

[Kuru]

a bit too late, but "false manager"

[futbol]

Barcaforum:

Free transfers XI

---------Ochoa-----------
Sagna---Vidic--Alex--Cole
-----M'bia----Cambiasso---
S.sam------Ribas-----Menez
-------------Lewa------------

Thats Free transfer best XI. Free transfer XI=AC Milan

[Lex]

Maroon Lucifer said: ↑
This is the worst Faroe Islands team in a long long time. Really depressing watching this!

sizzling sausages said: ↑
Yep, doesn't hold a candle to some of the great Faroe Islands teams of the past.

[Donuts]

in late august 2004 madrid was heavily rumored to buy messi.. this is a quote from a barca fan

Madrid wants Messi? 30 millions and he's all for you. I don't know from where you took this, but this is ridiculous.

I dont think Messi will go like the others, his dad appreciates the club and isnt forcing his son for the quick buck like the others.

At the moment hes probably the biggest talent, have you heard of Bojan Krkic? Hes supposed to be a good up and coming striker

He is a great player, with a great future but perhaps not with Barcelona. He plays in the same area of the park as Ronaldinho and Iniesta and now with the purchase of Deco, Messi’s future at the club is looking a little uncertain. I just hope they don’t treat him as badly as they treated me. As things stand right now, I don’t think he can make it in Barca’s first team.

[Doc]

A tidy giggle this gave me from those lovely folks at RAWK after the Liverpool-RM match.

Bent over, lubed up and penetrated, then tickled on the tummy with a playful ruffle of the hair.

[Glory]

a post:

Rumours of the Fat spanish waiter being lined up for a move back to Liverppol. Wonder what's the reaction on Rawk

its reply:

Probably flocking to Anfield akin to religious freaks flocking to locations where a Jesus or Virgin Mary apparition appear.


Six hours ago today, the Saint Rafa Benitez appeared for three professional footballers in a West Derby park bush, prompting tens of thousands of pilgrimages.

The footballers had completed their training session at Melwood training ground, and decided to take a walk outside the perimeter. On the northwest perimeter of Melwood, the great Steven Gerrard, the almost world class Lucas Leiva, and the ever-fouling Martin Skrtel, all senior players, saw a vision of Rafa in a blue veil and white gown, Liverpool Echo reports.

Their claim sent 70,000 fans and RAWKites to the site within minutes. Many visitors said they felt a breeze and the scent of Spanish food coming from the bush, while others said the bush had healing powers. Meanwhile, some skeptics claimed the whole thing was a "mass hallucination," the paper reported. It was rumored Sir Alex Ferguson and the FA may have duped the club once again.

Rumor had it that Rafa's visage will appear again on Dec 5th. The bush has been adorned with rosaries, prayer cards, hubcaps, and numerous items bearing Rafa's face. The crowd began to dwindle shortly after a rash of vandalism and reports of stolen vehicles, but the bush -- and a wooden Mickey Mouse cup -- still stand at the site today.

source : redcafe

[Great Leader Sprucenuce]

On a thread that compares GFs to football clubs.

For mine I will say Spurs. She's generally entertaining and good to look at, but is inconsistent and thinks far too highly of herself. Creates far too much drama for someone of so little importance.

[futbol]

From Barcaforum:

Good game from Dani.

Remember when he got the ball on the wing he kind of shaped to cross and I nearly cried but then he passed it back instead and I saluted the man

WTH?! There is only 1 Fußball.

[M99]

Fussball 15 years later: And that kids, is how I met your mother.

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