Where is home?

by Zagadka Tue Oct 20, 2020 7:56 am

It's no surprise and I admit I am a homeless man in this world. This question often crosses my mind, and it really frustrates me, because I truly have no home in this world due to my life circumstances. I wrote about it here. I feel like it's a conversation worth having as we live in such a globalized and connected world and I am sure there are many others similar to me that ask this question from themselves.

Here is a summary:

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately.

Some say it's where you are born.

Some say it's where you were raised.

Some say it's where you feel happy.

Some say, does it even matter?

I feel homeless. Born in Iran, raised in Canada, and currently living in Poland, I feel zero belonging to any of them and it sucks. I have an Iranian mind, a European soul, and a Canadian passport, yet none of them feel like home.

There is not a single place in this world I can call mine. You know, the place you have your people and tribe in. The place where you have a community. The place you connect with culturally, emotionally and socially. The place where you frequently bump into people you know. The place where your mind, soul and passport peacefully coexist. That's home.

by El Gunner Tue Oct 20, 2020 1:08 pm

where's your family Sepp?

by El Gunner Tue Oct 20, 2020 1:16 pm

a very interesting topic though, we did this as a semester topic in my final year English a few years ago. Read a few books on what it means to be at "Home" or where "Home" is, including Toni Morrison's wonderful novella Home, the foreward/prologue of the book absolutely floored me, it was so beautiful and poetic, and cut straight through me as someone living in South Africa at the time, and my family/roots being in Namibia. The rest of novella is good too.

Then we also read a South African book on the same topic and based on a true story, forgot it's title, but it's about a mixed race woman who moved to Scotland/Ireland to marry a man, but then they have a fallout/divorce, and she ends up back with her family also falling apart in SA and so she's forced to confront her past/and her true life you feel head on.

I think there was another book, but i didn't read that one Laughing

what we took away from the overall semester was that knowing where "home" is, is an increasing difficult thing for many modern day peoples living in a post-colonial world. Many people across the world have been uprooted from their native lands and roots. And im afraid with technology, the internet and global social media it's not going to get any better. We'll all just be consciousness living in the "internetsphere cloud" soon enough.

by Zagadka Tue Oct 20, 2020 6:59 pm

El Gunner wrote:where's your family Sepp?

Scattered all over...

and I do agree with your next post. It really is annoying, because sometimes you really feel like: "why couldn't me, mom, dad, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents all live in one place?" why is there the reunions are once every 5 years, everyone so far apart.

I think this question is super easy to answer if someone has never emigrated or live in proximity of their closest relatives altogether.

by Babun Tue Oct 20, 2020 9:01 pm

You may lack a purpose in your life. The line of thought you have usually (not always) comes from too much time at hand but with little to do and perspective for the future.

by Blue Tue Oct 20, 2020 9:22 pm

Home is where good family and friends are at. Been in very desirable cities and some undesirable places. Could tell you the people what matters.

Well that is my experience.

by El Gunner Tue Oct 20, 2020 11:35 pm

Babun wrote:You may lack a purpose in your life. The line of thought you have usually (not always) comes from too much time at hand but with little to do and perspective for the future.

you sound like David's father in Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin

by Warrior Wed Oct 21, 2020 12:05 am

Where i was born, where i live, where i am happy, and where my family & friends are... is all the same place. Or at least in a 50km radius. So home is there.

I'm also lucky to still have the same group of friends since the cradle basically. As you see, for me, home is not a complicated concept. Zagadka maybe you are "homeless" it does not make your identity less cemented in this world. You travel everywhere, meet all sorts of persons, something i dream of but never did. To each his life.

by Warrior Wed Oct 21, 2020 12:08 am

Even less philosophical and more precise, home is the apartment i rent currently with an excellent friend. Feels good to take shits there and also i sleep well. Definitely it's comfortable enough to call this place home for now.

by Pedram Wed Oct 21, 2020 12:42 am

Off topic, just realized Zagadka means puzzle or Enigma in polish.

Fitting username. Thumbs up

by Young Kaz Wed Oct 21, 2020 3:25 am

Zagadka wrote:It's no surprise and I admit I am a homeless man in this world. This question often crosses my mind, and it really frustrates me, because I truly have no home in this world due to my life circumstances. I wrote about it here. I feel like it's a conversation worth having as we live in such a globalized and connected world and I am sure there are many others similar to me that ask this question from themselves.

Here is a summary:

I've been thinking about this question a lot lately.

Some say it's where you are born.

Some say it's where you were raised.

Some say it's where you feel happy.

Some say, does it even matter?

I feel homeless. Born in Iran, raised in Canada, and currently living in Poland, I feel zero belonging to any of them and it sucks. I have an Iranian mind, a European soul, and a Canadian passport, yet none of them feel like home.

There is not a single place in this world I can call mine. You know, the place you have your people and tribe in. The place where you have a community. The place you connect with culturally, emotionally and socially. The place where you frequently bump into people you know. The place where your mind, soul and passport peacefully coexist. That's home.

Sepi, you probably wont take this to heart given the messenger, but you feel empty because of the bold. You're not European. You'll always be chasing shadows thinking like that. Your soul not matching the reality will always create conflict. I've seen it too many times in life to know it only ends that way. A man has to live in reality, because if he doesnt what does he pass on to the future? How can you love yourself if the fundamental part of your being, is a contradiction? When you answer that the empty feeling goes away.

by BarrileteCosmico Wed Oct 21, 2020 3:44 am

Home is where the heart is, duh

by Thimmy Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:21 am

I’ll always feel the most at home in Scandinavia, but to be honest, if I could be 18 and single again, I would’ve saved up money for a year or two and done what Sepi has been doing. I would travel as far away from Scandinavia as possible, and only return once I feel like I’ve satiated my desire to experience new places, people, and different cultures.

My life is very stable right now. I can probably predict what most things in my life will be like 10 years from now, and that can be both good and bad depending on how I look at it, but I think I’ve done quite well for myself. One day, though, I’m sure I’ll look back on my life and wish that I’d seen more of the world - not only as a tourist, but as a temporary citizen in a place that forces me to go outside of my comfort zone regularly. I’ve already locked myself out of that option.

by El Gunner Wed Oct 21, 2020 8:25 am

^^^

I’ve already locked myself out of that option.

have you though, or are you again just selling yourself short?

by El Gunner Wed Oct 21, 2020 8:39 am

back to the topic and myself, i really loved my time in South Africa. I don't know man, it's like i walked differently and felt differently, it's like you can recreate yourself and tap into energies/alteregos that have naturally built up over all the years in your place of birth. I loved the freedom away from my family, because honestly it can feel limiting sometimes (maybe not for everyone) in a family setting, because you have your specific role and family expects certain characteristics, responsibilities from you.

but in my 4 years in SA, especially the last year, i was awoken to the reality that lovers and friends only come and go, and family is consistent. And that consistency you will need in your life emotionally and mentally, at least in some stages of your life. So i know where you are coming from Sepp, it can sometimes feel like "A tale of 2 me's" you have parts of yourself in every place you lived a life in. The Johannesburg me is more free and expressive, the Namibian me feels damning, but it is my responsibility and birthright. The plan was to go back to Johannesburg and lock up a work there until i clocked in enough years to get a South African passport, but Covid derailed that, and maybe in a bigger picture sort of way it ended up being a blessing in disguise. The family can feel limiting and toxic all too often, especially when you fall into the mundanity of everyone's personalities and ways of being again, but i guess i'll stick it out here at least until Covid dies down and then i'll see if i have enough energy to pursue a life some place else, and if at all i want to.

by Babun Wed Oct 21, 2020 10:42 am

El Gunner wrote:
Babun wrote:You may lack a purpose in your life. The line of thought you have usually (not always) comes from too much time at hand but with little to do and perspective for the future.

you sound like David's father in Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin

Nope, every adult goes through that phase at least once. Usually, one has got a true friend or relative who tells the truth to the face. I just expressed the possibility he might be running away from himself in sense of finally settling down and working like a proper adult.

by El Gunner Wed Oct 21, 2020 12:13 pm

you mean adhering to the system Wink

by M99 Wed Oct 21, 2020 4:41 pm

Where is RG to say goallegacy.net

by CBarca Wed Oct 21, 2020 5:06 pm

BarrileteCosmico wrote:Home is where the heart is, duh

This. And for many of us, this happens to be where we were raised. However, it's not for all. Some people have extraordinarily difficult childhoods, or they move around a lot during childhood and are never really raised in one place.

So, yeah, the superior answer in the poll is where you feel most happy.

For me, right now, that happens to be the Midwest. And while I'll always have a fondness for the Midwest, especially the northern Midwest, I can't say for sure this will always be home for me.

Perhaps I'll create a new home, elsewhere. I won't even rule out leaving the US (although I really doubt that I ever will).

by Thimmy Wed Oct 21, 2020 6:02 pm

El Gunner wrote:^^^
I’ve already locked myself out of that option.

have you though, or are you again just selling yourself short?

Long-term relationship, stable job, will probably have a kid in the near future. 32 years old. Yeah, that ship has sailed. I opted for stability over the bachelor life.

by Babun Wed Oct 21, 2020 7:34 pm

El Gunner wrote:you mean adhering to the system

Whatever swings your way :coffee:

by Nishankly Wed Oct 21, 2020 7:46 pm

I can't relate to the different countries but here we go:

Parents were in the army so I changed about 13 cities in my 18 years within India before I left for college. Changed schools and cities every year almost, new friends, new times, new beiginnings from the age of what 2?

Even when I moved to college which was the longest I was at a place, my "home" changed 3-4 times. So for me, home is where my parent are, I can't relate to a "home". My childhood memories, hell teens and early 20s are distributed between cities, between different friends.

I have translated that in my life even as I moved internationally, changed between Lille, Singapore, Paris, Lille and now again Paris in 3 years.

Always made sure my life fits in 2 strolleys / 40 kgs.

It changes you, Its extremely easy for me to relate to people and it drives you to understand and hear peoples stories building relationships with strangers quite easily.

by Nishankly Thu Oct 22, 2020 9:17 pm

In my defense, India doesn't have a national language, so even if you move 100 kms to a new city, there is a new language, new culture, different food, different traditions and the funniest part is English helped me integrate within my own country.

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