Is Monogamy an obsolete concept?

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Post by Le Samourai Tue Jan 22, 2013 11:46 pm

Monogamy condemns lawfully wedded spouses to a single sexual partner:

Nowadays sexual relationships for many people are still based on religious conservative control.

But people live longer, are better educated, their social network is expanding limitlessly but most of them lose sexual interest in their lifelong spouse after some years:.

Regular sexual practice is proof of longevity and health: desire to live with the spouse last longer than sexual desire.

Therefore having sexual partners beside the spouse helps to accept sexual drought at home, save a couple from divorce and frustration, maintaining a balance and a real sexual life.

Razz
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Post by BarrileteCosmico Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:39 am

I disagree that monogamous coupling is based on religion. While western-world religion certainly enforces it, there are many other cultures without such religious enforcing that still base their society off monogamous relationships.

Also "condemned" to a single partner? If someone doesn't want to be with a single partner for the rest of their life, then they shouldn't get married in the first place Very Happy
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Post by McLewis Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:45 am

Condemned is a little strong.

Monogamy is as much a choice as polygamy. I haven't seen or read about any specific signs that it is on the decline so I highly doubt it's becoming obsolete.
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Post by VivaStPauli Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:50 am

Well, monogamy is kind of unnatural, yes, but it solves a lot of problems also.

Monogamy, if it actually happens^^, ensures that kids usually grow up with two parents instead of one, those parents keep track of their kids, and it keeps jealousy-based violence to a minimum.

Since envy and jealousy are hard-coded into our genetic makeup because it made sense before we had civilization and culture, monogamy is pretty much the best safeguard against people constantly killing each other in jealous rage.

Actually staying monogamous seems to be pretty hard for most people, and I am probably much too young to judge the long-term implications.

But it's probably safer to have long relationships and the odd breakup and divorce than to go through the schizophrenic agony of an open relationship where you have to potentially see and tolerate your partner f*cking other people.

I'm sure there are people who are free of envy and find open relationships easy to maintain, but they're probably even rarer than those in monogamous relationships that never even think of cheating.
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Post by Le Samourai Thu Jan 24, 2013 1:10 am

@VivaStPauli wrote:Well, monogamy is kind of unnatural, yes, but it solves a lot of problems also.

Monogamy, if it actually happens^^, ensures that kids usually grow up with two parents instead of one, those parents keep track of their kids, and it keeps jealousy-based violence to a minimum.

Since envy and jealousy are hard-coded into our genetic makeup because it made sense before we had civilization and culture, monogamy is pretty much the best safeguard against people constantly killing each other in jealous rage.

Actually staying monogamous seems to be pretty hard for most people, and I am probably much too young to judge the long-term implications.

But it's probably safer to have long relationships and the odd breakup and divorce than to go through the schizophrenic agony of an open relationship where you have to potentially see and tolerate your partner f*cking other people.

I'm sure there are people who are free of envy and find open relationships easy to maintain, but they're probably even rarer than those in monogamous relationships that never even think of cheating.

That seems fair. I don't think my argument is balanced or that it can be universally applied as it's a summary of a debate I was having, and debates tend to get one sided.

Here's the thing, and I don't know if it really applies on a wider scale. The girls I know...they at least claim to be more hurt over the broken trust and the emotional aspect of cheating rather than the physical action.So in theory- there would be a way to bypass the envy from their perspective if they are originally open to the idea itself.

Does that make sense?
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Post by stevieg8 Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:39 am

@VivaStPauli wrote:Well, monogamy is kind of unnatural, yes, but it solves a lot of problems also.

Monogamy, if it actually happens^^, ensures that kids usually grow up with two parents instead of one, those parents keep track of their kids, and it keeps jealousy-based violence to a minimum.

Since envy and jealousy are hard-coded into our genetic makeup because it made sense before we had civilization and culture, monogamy is pretty much the best safeguard against people constantly killing each other in jealous rage.

Actually staying monogamous seems to be pretty hard for most people, and I am probably much too young to judge the long-term implications.

But it's probably safer to have long relationships and the odd breakup and divorce than to go through the schizophrenic agony of an open relationship where you have to potentially see and tolerate your partner f*cking other people.

I'm sure there are people who are free of envy and find open relationships easy to maintain, but they're probably even rarer than those in monogamous relationships that never even think of cheating.

In the sense that natural means a part of our survival mechanisms and thus a result of years of evolution, what you just said sounds pretty natural to me.

Not to mention that they've isolated specific chemicals in other monogamous animals which seem to be the cause. Seems like monogamy is pretty natural in a lot of different scientific ways.
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Post by VivaStPauli Thu Jan 24, 2013 5:20 am

@Samourai: A study I read a few months back in a science magazine suggested that men actually tend to find it harder to seperate the physical act of sex from the emotions of love and jealousy than women. This also confirms my personal experiences. It was only one study, though, so it might still be wrong.

@stevieg8: Well also in the sense that most ape species closely related to humans aren't monogamous, in fact, I'm pretty sure very, very few primate species at all are monogamous, and it's kind of counter-intuitive for us as well, so I assume that monogamy is a cultural thing, not a biological imperative.

A female friend of mine, when we were out drinking, said something very wise: "humans are monkeys, not penguins."
Meaning that penguins mate for life, and bonobos and chimps just f*ck whatever they can.
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Post by CBarca Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:02 am

Viva is it possible you could find that study? I'm interested to read it because that goes against everything I've ever heard ever. And it goes against the common understanding, as well.
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Post by VivaStPauli Thu Jan 24, 2013 6:58 am

I tried to google it, but all I found was German psychologist Dr. Bärbel Wardetzki referring to it in an interview, so I'm afraid I got no credible source for it.

But it really is my experience, at least since I'm in my mid-twenties and going older. Girls were far more clingy than boys when I was a teenager.
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Post by Motogp69 Fri Jan 25, 2013 2:45 am

Before becoming a lawyer my specialty was statistical research, and one of the studies I helped complete somewhat spoke to what is being covered here, specifically that the shift in the dominance of marriage/monogamy was tied to stagnant wages.

As a result of wages being stagnant, men and women in the 18-28 age range, those that are out there trying to find themselves a career, largely began to move away from marriage/monogamy in the last 90's.

Coupling in this sense was scene as a hindrance on their financial mobility. While historically the opposite has proven true, due to the inherent nature of pooling resources allowing exponential growth of one's personal wealth.
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